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Joke of the Day

"After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I've successfully installed Java. He hates me."

"Me: What's the suite number on that address? 8: It just says ""Hashtag 301."" Me: Before hashtags were born, those were called number signs."

"What do you call a Jedi who worries about not making deadlines? Panickin' Skywalker."

"Why do people at Disneyland hate coke heads? They're always cutting lines"

"I swallowed a piece of string yesterday when it came out my other end it was tied in a bow I shit you not!"

"Why did I break up with my spare change? It was too clingy"

"Hearing problems I went to the doctors with hearing problems. He said ""Can u describe the symptoms?"" I said ""Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"""

"Why can't women drive? Because there is no road between the kitchen and the bedroom."

"I discovered that Germans invented cunnilingus... Apparantly they've been yodeling in the black forest for centuries."

"My girlfriend said to me in bed last night, 'you're a pervert' I said, 'that's a big word for a girl of nine.'"