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Joke of the Day

"Me: What's the suite number on that address? 8: It just says ""Hashtag 301."" Me: Before hashtags were born, those were called number signs."

"Sorry Satan, but I'm selling my soul to Buddah. You gotta be fucking stupid to pass up on a tasty offer like ""free Chinese food for life."""

"They found horse meat in food in the U.K. ... ... and horse piss in the beer in the U.S."

"What music is good to listen to while having a snack? 8 a bit music."

"What's Brown & Rhymes With Snoop? Dr. Dre"

"My friend's name is Iceewe Neer He sounds like a dick but once you get to know him he's actually pretty chill."

"I hate snakes because they have no feet. You could say I'm... lacktoes intolerant *opens another beer*"

"Why couldn't the pirate have gravy with his thanksgiving dinner? Because someone stole his boat."

"She once called me bae so I had to baeurry her in my backyard.."

"Getting a PhD is like an erection, it's long and hard.... unless you're Chinese."