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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Jedi who worries about not making deadlines? Panickin' Skywalker."

"Brown Bell What's brown and sounds like a bell? Duuunnnggg"

"Every day, I win arguments from 10 years ago in the shower."

"What did the Amish IT guy say about the computer? It was a bit buggy."

"Say what you will about us hypocrites, but the standards we claim to have are WAY higher than yours."

"How do you kill a Byzantine? You push him into an Ottoman."

"I'm quitting the blueberry only diet. I haven't lost a pound and I'm getting tired of blueberry pancakes, muffins and poptarts every meal."

"Three Mistakes Of My Life : WTF (Whatsapp Twitter Facebook)"

"[Me]: *slams fork & knife down on table* Not cool, babe. [Wife]: You didn't honestly think there'd be weed in your pot pie, did you?"

"""911, what's your emergency?"" Hi i need to report a kidnapping. My son is taking a nap in my room right now."