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Joke of the Day

"Everybody keeps telling me I'm paranoid... it's like a fucking conspiracy. -Jessica Jones"

"What's a Southeastern Asian business professional's favorite food? Tie food"

"Jaws is exceptionally funny if you just imagine the shark is trying to be friends with the guys on the boat and they keep running away."

"If you have 10 apples and Michael takes 6. What colour is Michael?"

"What does an insomniac, philosopher, atheist, dyslexic do at night? Lay awake, contemplating the existence of Dog."

"* Gets out of a 10 year old coma * Me: Where am I? Dad: GO ASK YOUR MOTHER!"

"My uncle wanted to give all his sheep a sex change... But it entailed too many ramifications!"

"I have an archaeology exam tomorrow And it doesn't matter if I pass or fail because either way... My future's in ruins."

"Happy Mothers Day We love all you mothers."

"I've learned a lot about women. Ex: if you're going to the hospital for a gunshot wound & she asks for tampons, you'd better stop on the way"