71971

Joke of the Day

"My pal is 6 ft 5, and his wife of ten years is only 3ft 10. After a decade of marriage he's still nuts over her."

"I went to an adrenaline junkie camping retreat. It was in tents."

"Fuck! I have to fly to California to prevent a forest fire. THIS IS TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY!"

"macklemore could poop into his own bare hands onstage & half the write-ups would be ""ah finally a rapper who isn't obsessed with shiny cars"""

"[makes eye contact with someone through crack in bathroom stall] hey"

"Phone on silent. 10 missed calls. Turns volume to loudest. Nobody calls All damn Day."

"[Meta] I made a subreddit for anti pickup lines If you want to post an antipick up line, post it to /r/antipickuplines"

"Q. What is black and white and screams? A. A nun falling down a flight of stairs."

"Why does it take longer to make a snow woman than a Snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head."

"What is a dead giveaway someone has no idea what they are doing? They have an engineering degree."