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Joke of the Day

"Me: So, what are your thoughts? Therapist: Well, I think you may have some boundary issues. Me: [In his lap] Are you saying I'm fat?!"

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING!"

"I don't like piggy banks.. I'm afraid of change!"

"I tried to watch the paralympic games.. I couldn't though because the channel was disabled"

"Doctor: You have two months to live. Patient: But doctor, I won't be able to pay your bill in that time! Doctor: Ok, you have three months to live."

"Yesterday, my Muslim friend ask me if I want to breakfast together It was stupid to wait at his door on 9am."

"An Irishman goes for a job as a blacksmith He's asked ""have you ever shoed a horse before?"" ""No but I have told a donkey to fuck off"""

"In the earliest part of my life I was a man trapped inside a woman's body. Then mom gave birth to me."

"[Dark Humor] Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline? You take your shoes off before you step on a trampoline [Probally heard this but it's worth a shot]"

"When i die, i want to die like my grandfather did, in his sleep not screaming like the other passengers in the car."