71881

Joke of the Day

"Depressed cows feel like life is udderly hopeless. But now there's hope. Ask your doctor if Cowbucil is right for your cow."

"I keep fixing my door every time my British friend leaves He always brexit."

"This cashier just held my five dollar bill up to the light in case you're wondering how I do with first impressions."

"What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage? Terrorists blow them selves up at camp on accident"

"What do you call a panda who's legs don't work? Pandapalegic"

"I broke my leg while visiting America At least I got a good taste of their hospitality."

"Batman pushes a batcuffed Joker thru the crowd. ""Look! Hahaha!"" yells the Joker. Batman glances up at the jumbotron. GODDAMN the kiss cam."

"I too found a safe at work and tried opening it... Bank security guard fired at me and police arrested me. It was not safe for me."

"Well, I don't know how my tattoo is gonna look when I'm 60, Carol, but I know you'll be dead by then so"

"me *sneezes* cw: Bless you me *sneezes* cw: Allergies? [flashback to me snorting pepper because my kid dared me to] me: Yeah, I guess so"