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Joke of the Day

"[being mugged] ME: can i keep things of sentimental value? ROBBER: ok ME:[pulling things from wallet] my favorite cash...my lucky debit card"

"Today I went to a zoo. It was empty except for a dog. It was a shih tzu."

"What did the egg say to the boiling water? ""How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute ago."""

"How do you make an elephant sandwich? First of all you get a very large loaf..."

"Knock knock ""Who's there"" Knock knock ""Who's there"" The deaf man walked away having completely ruined the joke."

"I hear you've been tracing your ancestors on the internet... Yes - and it's a mammoth task!"

"Karen on Facebook says... ""Going to the dentist now. Hate having things put in my mouth!!! :("" That's probably why your husband left, Karen."

"If Disney movies have taught me anything, it's that the whole ENTIRE world speaks English. Including animals and inanimate objects."

"Making fun of someone's age is like mocking them for getting hit by a train because you're standing a little further down the tracks."

"What would albert einstein's name be if he was blonde? Nobody would know"