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Joke of the Day

"Every function without you will always be void of love."

"Wife: I'll just have a salad. Waiter: and for you, sir? Me: I'll be giving her half of my food."

"what does a sneeze see after it dies sneezus"

"My wife was happy when I told her a put a load in the dishwasher... Until 9 months later when Consuela's baby came out looking just like me!"

"My coworker is pregnant and they passed a card around and I didn't know what to write so I just put HAVE A GOOD BABY TANYA"

"A child molester and a young boy are walking into the dark woods.... ""I'm scared"", said the boy. ""YOU'RE scared?? I have to walk out of here alone!"""

"A sandwich walks into a bar... the bartender says: ""Sorry, we don't serve food here."""

"Friend: What time is it? Me: (pulls out phone, checks Twitter and Facebook notifications, puts phone away) Friend: Well? Me: Well what?"

"The forecast isn't calling for rain so I'm just going to wash my car to prove the weatherman wrong"

"Tried to leave a voicemail for my mom but she picked up. I was forced to drop my phone into my purse and shake it around for 10 minutes"