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Joke of the Day

"So I was having sex with this chick and she kept calling out another blokes name. What kind of name is 'rape' anyway?"

"I'd like to give a shout out to the sidewalk.... for keeping me off the streets."

"What do you call a race where all the runners have no legs? An arms race."

"A-What's up? B(londe)-The ceiling..."

"""Wanna come to a party?"" ""Sure. I'd love to spend two whole hours standing around while people recommend TV shows to me I'll never watch."""

"Having friends is like... Having friends is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it but only you can feel it's warmth!"

"My first mistake was thinking she couldn't hit a moving target."

"A guy asked me out! Well, a guy asked me if I was going to be the same place he is. FINE, my boss called to see if I was coming to work."

"What do you call a group of Rhode Islanders? A traffic accident."

"One time Father Christmas lost his underpants. That's how he got the name Saint Knickerless!"