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Joke of the Day

"When Captain Picard's sewing machine broke he brought it to the repairman and said... ""make it sew."""

"Guys, I'm officially having sex tonight so please don't disturb me between 9.30 and 9.31"

"So LIGO scientists were finally able to detect gravitational waves... Don't know what took them so long. Your mom's been around for some time now, rippling spacetime."

"I hate how every single day my ex wife just keeps waking up!"

"How is a picket fence like a mini skirt? They both protect the property but they don't spoil the view."

"What is the most important use for cowhide? To hold the cow together."

"My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night. She nearly took my fucking eye out."

"What should you do before cooking the vegetables? Remove the wheelchair"

"Good morning people.....I woke up feeling myself this morning....wait that doesn't sound right. What I meant is I woke up feeling confidant"

"YOU WANT TO HEAR A JOKE ON NITROUS OXIDE .... NO :-p"