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Joke of the Day

"My solution to everything is fire. How do I get out this stain? Fire. How do you fix a car? Fire. How do you break up with someone? FIRE!"

"What's the difference between a chicken drumstick and a penis? If you answered ""I don't know""? Then would you like to go for a picnic?"

"I wouldn't say I never exercise. Occasionally, my nose runs."

"You know your driving really sucks when your GPS says ""After 300 yards, stop and let me out"""

"DAD: [grabs chest] Quick! Call me an ambulance. ME: [hesitantly] You're... an ambulance. DAD: I'm- I'm so proud of you, son [dies]"

"Why haven't I ever met a full blooded jew? All of the ones I've met have just been Jew-ash."

"To what branch of the military to babies belong? The infantry."

"What does Light Yagami drink at the bar? Tekira!"

"She just didn't get that i was into fish. Geez"

"Neat how we spend so much time and money on the war against pot but there are people driving around with eyelashes and antlers on their cars"