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Joke of the Day

"I hate to think there are meteorologists out there who've never stood in front of the green screen and pretended to jerk off Florida."

"I asked the girl I've been dating to see Fifty Shades of Grey with me this weekend, but I think she's worried were moving too fast. She seemed concerned and said she didn't want to be tied down."

"If at first you don't succeed . . . don't try skydiving."

"F-U-C-K Tell her I said hi."

"Sure, when a girl writes your name inside a heart it's ""cute"" But when -I- do it they call it ""narcissism"""

"Why does no one like the number 4? It's too square."

"Yoda: In the Light Side, the real power is. Luke: The Emperor controls the galaxy. You live in a swamp."

"Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face."

"I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket ""Hey son, how far do you think I can kick this thing?"""

"My local electronics retailer is having a fire sale. The Samsung Galaxy Note 7 is the hottest item."