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Joke of the Day
"If at first you don't succeed . . . don't try skydiving."
Next Joke
"""Hey guys, I just lost at the Golden Globes!"" - Louis CK, brilliantly introducing himself tonight."
"Rhodes Scholars are book smart... but road scholars are street smart."
"I'm not all that interested in Astronomy but, I really dig Uranus."
"How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb 2, but don't ask me how they got in there."
"What kind of noise annoys an oyster? A noisy noise annoys an oyster."
"Donald Trump is a proof that internet comments can turn into a human and run for a president"
"It's unlucky to glance over your shoulder while wearing a sweater made of rabbit wool... Don't look back in angora."
"Allstate just sent me a safe driver bonus check for 73 cents so I guess good things do happen to good people."
"Hulk Hogan: I struggled to overcome manic-depression. Me [as his therapist]: So you could say you had to wrestle mania? *gets leg dropped*"