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Joke of the Day

"I like to measure my workouts in terms of a reward system. For instance: I just ran 2.5 pizzas."

"When u post in /r/shoot.... Its a suicide..! (Self.shoot) Ps- didnt check if it existed xD"

"How many A.D.D. kids does it take to change a light bulb? Look a squirrel!"

"[Friday Night] WIFE: Have fun at poker ME {stopping at door}: What did you say? W: Have fun ME: After that W: Uh...at poker- ME: IT'S POKEMON"

"What do you call it when Britain, Russia, and France make a sexual pun before WWI? A triple Entendre. History jokes, man. they're killers."

"Why are the busiest paleontologists always rednecks? Because they are always caught up in some type of relative dating."

"Who was the first man to masturbate in space? The first man in space!"

"Don't ever debate with an absurdist... because you will always chair apple man with hands for eyes."

"A shapeshifter repeatedly raped a girl, first as a midget, then as a normal man, and finally as a giant. He came in a variety of sizes."

"How does a male contraceptive pill work? You put it in his shoe and it makes him limp."