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Joke of the Day
"Knock Knock! *Who's there?* Dwayne. *Dwayne who?* DWAYNE DA BAFFTUB!! I'M DWOWNIN'!!"
Next Joke
"Injured myself dancing last night but fortunately I'm eligible for Twerkman's Comp."
"Sometimes you just have to be straight up with people or they will expect you to bend over backwards."
"McConaughey: I'll have a venti with cream please Starbucks barista: ok, how do you spell your last name? McConaughey: I don't know"
"What do you call a nymphomaniac graffiti artist? Bonksy"
"Q: What's the slowest thing in the world? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables."
"Prostitution problems are had in Canada because... We use $1 and $2 coins. You can't throw those at strippers. Some of us ignore this problem and use Canadian Tire money."
"If you're a vegan who ran a marathon & got your dogs from a shelter, how do you decide which thing to wedge into the conversation first?"
"Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: In a mirror probably unless new technology exists. [interviewer thinking] holy smokes he's good"
"What did the slug say as he slipped down the window very fast? How slime flies!"