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Joke of the Day

"Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: In a mirror probably unless new technology exists. [interviewer thinking] holy smokes he's good"

"If you had to choose between voting for Trump or getting into the water with sharks, would you dive in or do a cannon ball?"

"I bet it really confuses poor Forrest Gump to see Lt. Dan on TV solving crimes in New York."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! B-2 ! B-2 who ? B-2 school on time !"

"I had no idea she was allergic to rat poison your honor"

"What does the quantum duck say? Quark Quark"

"Holy shit. Just realized that my last girlfriend was born the same year I got my first credit card. And I'm not even hot like Larry King."

"what did the man say when he tried to get FREA with his dog? ""oops, forgot the KY"""

"FACEBOOK A place where couples wish they were single and the singles wish they were couples."

"My son came home from school in tears and told me that his girlfriend had slept with his best friend. I was flattered, I never knew I was his best friend."