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Joke of the Day

"McConaughey: I'll have a venti with cream please Starbucks barista: ok, how do you spell your last name? McConaughey: I don't know"

"I had a nightmare that I was the Michelin man I woke up feeling tired from that one."

"What's the difference between a pizza and a bass player? The pizza can feed a family of four."

"What do you call a short Mexican? A paragraph because hes not quite yet an essay."

"You're like a brand new pencil pointless"

"Just saw a grasshopper jump on cement. THEY'RE EVOLVING."

"Thanksgiving was like the last supper for the Indians."

"""Work fascinates me I can look at it for hours!"""

"Why don't spies meet at bars. The beer is tapped. (Please develop this joke. I made it up last night whilst drinking, but nobody laughed.)"

"I would love my job so much more if I didn't have to hide my flask."