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Joke of the Day

"Your father is so absent... When I Google searched him it returned: Error 404 Not found."

"They discovered a new mummy in an Egyptian pyramid. He was found wrapped in chocolate and golden foil. They believe his name is Pharaoh Rocher."

"I enjoy rating countries on a 0-10 scale I give Nepal a solid 7.8. The score is so high, it's ground breaking"

"Why did the werewolf become a proctologist? He only has to work on full moons"

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because they'll never find the body."

"My favorite X-Men character is Nicki Minaj."

"The ""eye for an eye"" philosophy isn't exactly a level playing field if your grievance is with a cyclops."

"*talking into the phone, loudly enough that I know those ladies can hear me* WHATS THAT? MY SPACESHIP IS READY? GREAT, THANKS BARACK. OBAMA."

"I tried to give myself a sex change but I couldn't quite pull it off."

"How long does guacamole last in the fridge? Please say a year."