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Joke of the Day

"The best part about Netflix is there are no commercials. On an unrelated note, does anyone know how to get urine stains out of a couch?"

"Well if you didn't want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?"

"Realized that I'm getting old. 20 years ago all of my friends were on drugs. Now they're all on medication..."

"I have a joke about California's drought. But it's pretty dry."

"My wife faked an orgasm, so I faked a mortgage payment"

"BRUCE WAYNE: How can I rid this city of crime ALFRED: Mental health care access, economic development, gun reg BRUCE: Bring me a cape"

"A far right party wins an election in Germany with 60% of the vote. I did nazi that coming"

"Study finds Washington state residents consumed 175 metric tons of pot in 2013 (real news) As a result, the state is changing it's slogan to ""Whoa Dude."""

"What is a terrorist his favourite car? A Citroen C4"

"I'm not the kind of guy to distance myself from anything... Far from it."