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Joke of the Day

"The best part about Netflix is there are no commercials. On an unrelated note, does anyone know how to get urine stains out of a couch?"

"""Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free."" ""Some, I assume, are good people"""

"""My imaginary friend is better than yours!"" ~ religion."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never paid 200 dollars to have a garbanzo bean on my chest."

"Floaters What do you call that which barks during the day and floats during the night ? - Your grandma's jaws"

"*runs my fingers thru your hair* *tightens grip* *pulls your head back* *looks you in the eye* Me: WTF do you mean you ate the last donut?"

"What's the difference between a priest and a dog? One wears pants and a collar, the other wears a collar and pants"

"Lobsters gonna lobst."

"What do you call a happy husband? Broke."

"Nuclear winter ""What are you going to do if a nuclear winter comes?"" ""Throw snowballs."" ""Nuclear!"" ""With my tentacles!"""