70790

Joke of the Day

"Three guys walk into a bar together... You would've thought at least one of them would have seen it!"

"I'm American and I'm sick of people saying America is the stupidest country in the world... Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world."

"What did the baker say when he saw the beautiful woman? ""I think I'm in loaf."" Ba dum, tss."

"Today's menu: 1 gallon of attitude, 3 cups of sarcasm, 2 tbsp of leave me the hell alone, and a generous cup of shut the f*ck up!"

"God's recreational activity is to destroy the whole universe and create it again."

"I recently bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer... I dunno what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!"

"If using your 4yo as a remote control to fetch things makes you a bad parent, then I'm a bad parent... A bad parent with an ice cold beer."

"Why do people nickname Cersei's kids after sandwich meats? Because they're both in bread"

"(OC) what did dispatch say to the dog catcher when he asked if he was done for the day? You're golden retriever."

"*guy collapses* ICE CREAM MAN: does anyone know CPR DOCTOR:*looks at ice cream cones in both his hands, looks up, then slowly walks away*"