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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me having sex with her dog. I guess I really screwed the pooch on that one."

"""How does Dracula get his hair so perfect without a mirror? Oh questions about the job? No I'm good."""

"Two men walk into a bar... Knock, knock."

"Have you ever tried eating a clock? I don't recommend it, it's quite time consuming."

"What's the same between Brussel sprouts and anal sex? If you enjoy it as as an adult you hated it as a kid"

"My 14yo made fun of me this morning because I had to go to work while he had a snow day, so I changed the wifi password."

"What did Jennifer Lawrence say to Julius Caesar? ...""May the Ides be ever in your favor."""

"They really should call the Day After Tomorrow ""Threemorrow"""

"When my girlfriend is angry, I go to Facebook and constantly refresh my relationship status to see if I'm single again."

"I miss my friend jack... I loved listening to music with him."