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Joke of the Day

"You know how Feminists say, ""The only thing men think about is sex."" We also think ""Should I risk it and not wear the condom?"""

"I used to be impatient.... ... I just don't have the time anymore."

"Nothing puts me in touch with my mortality like stepping onto a downward escalator."

"Well, I've got to hand it to you. -Guy explaining how the baton works in a relay race."

"The Legend of Zelda Joke Do you know why Ganon can't use the internet? There's too many Links."

"Why did Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? So she could moan with the other."

"Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator. I'm taking this shit to a whole new level."

"What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d"

"So I have one coworker who uses ""irregardless"" and another who uses ""unappropriate"" and now I'm over trying to conversate with these people."

"GOOD COP: Tell us what you know BAD COP: Or we'll turn up the heat DAD COP: DON'T YOU TOUCH THAT DAMN THERMOSTAT"