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Joke of the Day

"GOOD COP: Tell us what you know BAD COP: Or we'll turn up the heat DAD COP: DON'T YOU TOUCH THAT DAMN THERMOSTAT"

"There's a Black man and a Hispanic man in a car who's driving? The cops."

"Jesus: *turns water into wine* Me: nice Me: *turns a steak into a cheesesteak* Jesus: *whispering under his breath* holy shit"

"I made a fortune selling HIV testing kits to Africa In reality, it's just a bunch of lollipop sticks with ""Yes"" written on the side of them."

"I was gonna make a joke about cows... But it's terribull"

"I just cleaned out my purse. So, I'll be having a garage sale later this afternoon."

"Why black people are so good with basketball? They can shoot and steal without being arrested."

"I used to miss Mitch Hedburg I still do... But I used to, too. RIP"

"I was checking out a Jewish girl the other day. Her barcode wouldn't scan."

"Took my wife to the doctor today, to try and get her tourettes sorted Turns out that she doesn't have it, and I am actually a cunt and she wants me to fuck off"