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Joke of the Day

"Why did Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? So she could moan with the other."

"Why are you walking away when we're in the middle of discussing our wedding plans? Come back! At least give me your number!'"

"My girlfriend must think I'm rich and dying She keeps telling me to leave her a loan"

"I hate when people tell me to have a safe flight. Like I have a choice. It's either back home, or in a swamp. I'll try really hard to live."

"Joke: In my intro to archaeology lab, I had a pop-quiz about bones in the human body I couldn't find that humerus either"

"Did you hear about the Wall Street bankers that won the Nobel Peace Prize in Chemistry? They turned the economy into shit."

"I fucking hate gravity It keeps pulling me down"

"What's the difference between a Hippo and a Zippo? One is a little heavier and the other is a little lighter."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? He didn't. He died."

"I wanna see some BUTTS on da dance floor! ONLY butts. Detached from their owners, just kinda in a pile. In the middle. Nice. Good butt pile."