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Joke of the Day

"Pro tip: if you absolutely must speak in court, do not put air quotes around ""the law"". Judges don't like it."

"I went out for dinner last night. The Captain's Basket was on special for $7.00. I tried it just for the halibut."

"I just killed a man Knifely done"

"Why did the hen win a Wild West duel between it and a Peacock? Hen shot first."

"They are investigating Princes death... They dusted for prince, but found him face down in the corner."

"A group of dogs walk into a University. They approach the receptionist who says, ""Hi, can I help you?"" ""Yeah,"" one of the dogs reply, ""We wanna see our Masters."""

"Did you hear about the fugitive midget psychic? He's a small medium at large."

"I'll sell my broken watch when the time is right."

"I use words like ""acquiesce"" and ""ubiquitous"" in daily conversation and then I throw in a ""for reals yo"" just to stay mysterious."

"Hunters Two hunters are in the woods. One passes out, so the other calls 911. ""How may we assist you?"" ""I think my friend is dead."" ""Make sure he's dead."" *Bang* ""Done."""