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Joke of the Day

"I like my coffee like I like my women. Strong and Bitter"

"Never ask me ""Who hurt you?"" unless you want to sit through a 13 hour PowerPoint presentation."

"Customer: Waiter there's a button in my salad. Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing."

"Some people think that their life experience compensates for their lack of brain."

"I'm going to stop wearing cologne and taking showers... Because if I'm going to smell like an asshole, I'll do it all natural."

"My SO was feeling down today.. G: I feel fat when i look in the mirror, can you compliment me to make me feel better? B: You have great eyesight."

"My friend didn't like the fridge I got him for his birthday..... But you should've seen his face light up when he opened it."

"I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10 am. I'm not that much of a mourning person."

"Just heard this oldie, but goodie from a friend Two does are walking out of a bar after a long night of drinking, and one turns to the other and says, ""I can't believe I just blew 30 bucks."""

"Looks like my prof is giving black friday deals too 50% off late assignments."