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Joke of the Day

"That chick really knocked my socks off. And I had just finished folding and stacking them, too. Bitch."

"What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Andrew Jackson? One goes from black to white, the other goes from white to black."

"To all new iPad owners. When you masturbate in front of your new device, make sure to put some porn on its screen to avoid embarrassment."

"TIL that the term ""A stroke of luck"" has more than one meaning- -when my fortune teller gave me a handjob."

"Prominently display feminine hygiene products in your living space to let him know your eggs are still viable."

"[team tryouts] Coach: You really knocked that one out of the park. Jimmy: Thanks Coach! Coach: This is tennis."

"Doctors in the 40's used to prescribe orgasms to stressed women. Which seems pretty liberal until you realize he used his hand to do it."

"I hate when job recruiters ask me where I see myself in 5 years. Like come on, dude, I don't have 2020 vision."

"Rick Astley will loan you any movie in his Pixar collection except for one... He's never going to give you Up"

"2 birds talking to each other I think I need to take a shit. What are you waiting for? A car."