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Joke of the Day

"He who fights with lobsters must take care not to become a lobster. For when you gaze long into the bisque, the bisque also gazes into you."

"What's the difference between a lazy overeater and a flirtatious emo? One is Sloth the Gluttonous the other is Goth the Sluttiness. Yep made that up on the way home today... Sorry."

"Can a woman make a man a millionaire? Yeah, if he's a billionaire to begin with.."

"My atheist, mathematician friend insists religion is negative... Because at it's root, it's imaginary!"

"religious? why yes i'm very religious, i'm always reading [glances at bible] the beeblay"

"Don't be easy to get because you'll be easy to forget."

"My Aunt Used to Drink 13's It's the Polish version of the seven & seven. Source: my dad... Not sure if he made it up or what but made me laugh."

"Kinda thick horizontal curvy line, two thinner curvy vertical lines, squiggly line, different thicker squiggly line -Japanese spelling bee"

"Drop a ring pop in front of him. If he picks it up and hands it back to you... Congratulations! You're engaged."

"We never knew he was a drunk... until he showed up to work sober."