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Joke of the Day

"I went to the dermatologist about something on my neck- -and they said I just needed to scrub it!!!"

"Give a man a match and he's warm for a day.... Set fire to a man and he's warm for the rest of his life."

"What did Helen Keller call her dog? <smashes keyboard>"

"Ivan Pavlov is sitting at a pub enjoying a pint the phone rings and he jumps up shouting ""Oh shit, I forgot to feed the dog!"""

"Wife: You were right. Me: Say it again. Wife: You were right. Me: Again. Wife: You were right. Me: One more time. Wife: You wer- *wakes up*"

"What is the difference between a pimple and a Catholic Priest? A pimple doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13. This joke is all in good fun, sorry if anyone happens to be offended!"

"I can never write a joke without being criticized about the punchline So fuck you guys"

"Facebook is like prison because you write on walls and people you don't know poke you."

"I hate it when I see an inflatable arm-flailing tube man and then I realize that he was actually flailing his arms at someone behind me."

"double negatives what is the greatest double negative/oxymoron of all time? A happy Marriage"