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Joke of the Day
"double negatives what is the greatest double negative/oxymoron of all time? A happy Marriage"
Next Joke
"The only thing worse than watching a TED Talk is doing it on Netflix so your TV thinks you like TED Talks & tries to make you watch more"
"What do you do with an epileptic lettuce? Make a seizure salad"
"What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Strokin' Off"
"Secondary School Pick up Lines Are you the Detention room because i'm going to spend the next two and a half hours inside you"
"My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time."
"What happens when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner."
"ME: *vaping* FRIEND: is that just a fountain pen? ME: *ink all over my teeth* nope"
"Self control (sorry if offends you) I stopped a girl getting raped today. I used self-control."
"FROM THE FIRST BITE YOU CAN TELL CELERY DOESN'T WANT TO BE EATEN"