70262

Joke of the Day

"A cicada crawled up my butt while I was sleeping last night. I'm not worried though. It'll come out in 13 years."

"Kids today will never know what it's like to have a 3rd grade teacher who teaches every subject and even serves as dentist on fluoride day."

"What does Bruce Lee like to eat before a fight to the death? QUINOOOOAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"

"The completely inane bullshit I read on my phone doesn't deserve the super intense face I make while staring at it."

"folks this is your captain, we're reaching an altitude of 69,000ft. the plane can't fly this high so we're gonna crash, but it was worth it."

"Mom wants me to have a baby girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.And I want a sane mother who isn't oblivious to my Italian bloodline."

"What does a Browns fan say to a robber? I hate the steelers."

"What family history website do rednecks use? Incestry.com"

"Survival Tip: If confronted by a dinosaur while hiking, politely but firmly explain that it is extinct."

"Are we done? Can we go? -A memoir."