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Joke of the Day

"Mom wants me to have a baby girl with blonde hair and blue eyes.And I want a sane mother who isn't oblivious to my Italian bloodline."

"My dog just attacked the pizza delivery man WHY ARE MY BEST FRIENDS FIGHTING"

"What do you call a woman with an opinion? Wrong"

"Apparently, ""My Dick"" is the wrong answer to ""What do you look for in a girl?"""

"Context is everything ""Jesus loves you!"" A lovely thing to hear in church. Not so much in a Mexican prison."

"so this baby seal walks into a club... ...he got smashed."

"As an actor, I find some recent commercials offensive. Actors are real people too!"

"Did you hear about the blackout? Don't worry, they caught him."

"I don't understand why some snacks are ""fun-sized"", there's really nothing ""fun"" about having a smaller portion of food."

"The Golden Globes is how everyone else on twitter gets revenge on sports fans."