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Joke of the Day

"[job interview] ""We feel that you just aren't quite mature enough for the position."" It's the Velcro shoes, isn't it. ""...yes."""

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"Doctor: We need to double your meds Me: Will I still be able to knit little capes for my hamster? Doctor: We need to triple your meds"
"The Barman says, ""We don't serve superluminal particles in here."" A tachyon walks into a bar."
"Why were there only 1,000 Mexicans at the Alamo? they only had 2 trucks"
"What do you call a cop standing on dog poo? Officer on doody."
"Too Soon? I heard the Black Friday deals were amazing."
"Report - Sharks have difficulty finding work 51 weeks every year."
"Me: can I have a few extra days off over Christmas Boss: it's May Me: sorry, may I have a few extra days off over Christmas"
"I've pre-planned my funeral to include a 32 minute montage of the times I've accidentally waved hello to someone waving to someone behind me."
"In my spare time I like to.... Comment the funniest thing, it doesn't have to be true"