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Joke of the Day

"You don't have to seduce me with restraining orders and joyrides on the hood of your car, you had me at. ""No, I was waving at my friend."""

"''Ah fuck it"" -Me. Making decisions."

"Whats the worst thing you can do to a blind man? Leave the plunger in the toilet"

"What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set ? A boa constructor !"

"What do you get when you cross a child and an alligator? An alligator."

"Mary, they told me your son is gay That's bullshit. The gay one is his boyfriend! His boyfriend!"

"A rap song where I'm just telling my dog about my day & I keep rhyming with ""treats"" so he stays interested."

"Have you ever smelled mothballs before? How did you get the little legs apart?"

"I hate when old people poke you at a wedding and say ""you're next"". So next time I was at a funeral I poked them and said ""you're next"

"Q: Which way did the programmer go? A: He went DATA way!"