70133

Joke of the Day

"What would be your reply? Someone stops you in the middle of the road and asks you to tell him a good joke, What would be your reply?"

"Why does Britain love tea so much? Because tea leaves."

"What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft? Ab minor"

"What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit? Can't- elope!"

"My resume is really just a list of things I never want to do again."

"""You're cute when you're mad."" ""Yeah well I'm about to get real fucking adorable."""

"Optimists see a glass that's half full Pessimists see a glass that's half empty Engineers see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be"

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said that's a big word for a nine year old."

"Dear future self, No, you weren't robbed. You left your house like this. Sincerely, You, you dumb slob."

"Wait, Australia is 14 hours ahead of America? Thanks for the 9/11 warning!"