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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile. I said that's a big word for a nine year old."

"My pants are also my iPhone grease wipes."

"Why do conservative gay men vote conservatively? They want to keep the right to bear arms."

"The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate."

"ATTORNEY: my client would like to confess ME: i sell human organs on the black market JUDGE [who needs a kidney transplant]: tell me more"

"There is no ice cream in space because no one can hear you scream"

"Why do golfers have the best chauffeurs? Because they're good at picking their drivers."

"A classic from my grandfather. How do you catch a unique rabbit? Unique up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Tame way. Unique up on it."

"How many rioters does it take to change a lightbulb? Don't be stupid, rioters can't change anything."

"If I could pick a superpower it would be to clone myself so the other me could answer the 4,291,386 questions my 4 year old asks daily"