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Joke of the Day

"1. What do you call a man with a flamethrower? 2. What do you call his first victim? 3. What do you call his second victim? 1. Bernie 2. Crispin 3. Ash"

"*wakes up early* *goes for morning jog* *calls wife to pick him up because he's made a terrible mistake*"

"I asked my Grandfather what it's like to have Alzheimer's. He stared blankly at me as he no longer remembers any of his family members or how to construct sentences."

"Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years."

"What do you call someone who has 6.02 * 10^23 dollars? A mole-ionaire."

"Pull all of your money out of Pepto-Bismol stocks immediately. There's some real liquidity problems over there."

"Donald Trump wants to build a wall between USA and Mexico... It's okay, we have tunnels."

"What's the difference between a man biking to a job interview and a clown on a unicycle? Attire."

"What's dumber than a box of rocks? The hippie carrying them around"

"How do Freudians describe the human mind? As a huge ENEMA, I mean huge enigma....."