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Joke of the Day

"""Doctor, Doctor... I've had diarrhea for 3 days, and I think it might be hereditary"" ""Hereditary? What makes you think it's hereditary?"" ""It's in my jeans"""

"What do you call two gay guys in a sleeping bag? A fruit roll-up"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korean missiles don't go that far."

"Boss: Anyone have anything else to add to this meeting? Me: Yes. I am awesome. Boss.... Me: Write that shit down."

"WEIRD BUT TRUE: If you put enough granola in the tailpipe of a Prius, a Slam Poet will receive a Tote Bag from NPR."

"There are 2 important rules in business. 1. Don't tell people everything you know."

"I have a button on my microwave that says stop time. I assume its for the timer but I don't touch it just in case."

"What does a black guy do after sex? 15 to life."

"I need a thingy to fix the thingy because the thingy came loose and the thingy is wiggly now. Do you sell those? -Me, at Home Depot"

"Helium walks into a bar... The bar man says, ""Hey! We don't serve your kind!"" Helium doesn't react."