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Joke of the Day
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"where does a queer download his illegal software from? pirategay"
"""who can I count on to volunteer for this project?"" *slumps out of chair and slowly army crawls out of conference room*"
"Samsung Gn7 user here. despite all the abuse they're getting I was surprised that it's actually a really great phone I mean the battery life alone just blew me away"
"Say ""Oh my God"" 5x fast, then say ""I got 'em"" 5x fast.. Have you found Jesus? Lol, jk.. But they sound pretty similar, don't they?"
"*Eating mini Reese's cups* 5&7: Mommy what are you eating? M: Dog poop."
"What do Hillbillies do for Halloween? Pump-Kin"
"me: ""why was she called the little mermaid, she was 5ft7?"" therapist: ""i meant anything bothering you about your marriage keith"""
"What's the difference between Australia and yogurt? At least if you leave yogurt alone for a while it develops a culture."
"What do the iPhone 7 and the Titanic have in common? There's no room for jack, on both of them"