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Joke of the Day

"me: ""why was she called the little mermaid, she was 5ft7?"" therapist: ""i meant anything bothering you about your marriage keith"""

"- We buried my mother-in-law yesterday. - Sorry to hear that. When did she die? - My guess would be sometime this morning."

"Which is the smartest tall mountain? Mt. Cleverest Hue hue"

"What would Forest Gump's Password be? 1Forest1"

"""I love it when you call me Big Papa."" -obese Dad who's comfortable in his own skin to his child"

"Doctor, reading chart: ""Says here you're improving!"" Doctor: ""...Oops."" *slowly turns chart rightside up*"

"Today, I saw a painting unveiled at a museum, but it was merely a red dot on canvas. It must have been a period piece."

"How did the possessed lady lose weight? Diet and exorcise."

"Emperor: Luke, kill Vader and become my apprentice. Vader: But why? I've been loyal. Emperor: Have you ever listened to yourself breathe?"

"leonardo dicaprio would have won 8 oscars by now if he was named after one of the cooler turtles"