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Joke of the Day

"(real news) A tech company has announced they are close to perfecting a flying car. The company says the car should be ready by the year 2000."

"Sneaking into your house and eating just enough of the marshmallows out of your Lucky Charms to make you sad, but not suspicious."

"Vaccines comes from doctors --> Doctors are part of Obamacare --> Vaccines are BAD #Bible #AmericanSniper"

"The date was going great until she spooked me and then I squirted her with ink and quickly swam away"

"Divorced barbie Q: What comes with the new Divorced Barbie doll? A: All Ken's stuff"

"I went to McDonald's yesterday and said, ""I'd like some fries"" The girl at the counter said, ""Would you like some fries with that?"""

"Just pulled up next to a car identical to mine & accidentally made eye contact with the driver. I think that means we have to race on green."

"Enjoying Starbucks' free WiFi with my MacBook and flannel shirt while listening to a band you've probably never heard of."

"How does an Alcoholic teach the ABC's to their children? Backwards."

"Her: You into S&M. Him: Sure. Her: Good. *ties him to bed post* Him: Oh yeah. Her: Ready...? Him: Torture me! Her: *plays Nickelback*"