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Joke of the Day

"computer jokes Client to designer: ""It doesn't really look purple. It looks more like a mixture of red and blue."""

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"My goal weight is to stop hearing 'you have a great personality'"
"""Are you pro gay?"" he asked. ""Amateur at best,"" I replied"
"me: *kicks a stone* mountain: my baby"
"A Sober Irishman"
"Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say ""I'm affordable"" instead of ""I'm adorable"". Stop embarrassing me."
"We didn't like Granny sliding down the banister so we wrapped it with barbed wire. She didn't stop but it sure slows her up."
"[parole hearing] ""What will u do if released?"" ""Kill everyone on the jury."" ""What?"" ""Buy everyone jewellery."" ""Aw. Granted."""
"What do you get if you cross a pig and a telephone ? A lot of crackling on the line !"
"[engineer looking at blueprints] ""Well, here's your problem right here. You built this thing on rock and roll."""