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Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you cross a pig and a telephone ? A lot of crackling on the line !"

"Me: *Asks question on snapchat* Them: *Answers question on snapchat* Me: ""Wait, what did I ask again?"""

"[stacks of books on floor] Impressive, son. [son places pizza on one stack, soda & cookies on others] ""Yep; perfect height"" [turns on Xbox]"

"What is Forest Gump's password? 1forest1"

"I'm sorry that you invited me over to your apartment for dinner and I created a negative Yelp review about the experience"

"What do you call a water bottle that objects? A rebuttle"

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He took a sip of his coffee before it was cool."

"machines in a casino do you know which machine is the most likely to pay out? The ATM"

"Why Didn't Batman Go To Church? Because of Christian Bail"

"Jews are lazy... ... essentially a group of people who couldn't be bothered to read the sequel. -Will Bailey (Cambridge footlights)"