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Joke of the Day

"This day needs cyanide."

"What do you get if you cross a bird with a monstrous snarl? A budgerigrrrrr!"

"I keep getting a message that ""Twitter is having issues""nnGood job guys...we drove twitter crazy!"

"An Italian and a Greek get in a fight over sex Greek: the Greeks invented sex centuries before the Italians! Italians: maybe so but we improved on it by introducing it to women!"

"Lazy People Fact #5812672793 You were too lazy to read that number"

"What does a clever sentry on guard duty say when he wakes up to see his commanding officer standing over him? Amen"

"""The actor who plays the villain in No Country For old Men was causing trouble in my bar last night."" ""Javier Bardem?"" ""No, but I will if he does it again."""

"I brought a classical musician back from the past to prove that my time-machine works, but I can't find him. He must be Haydn."

"It's a good thing the Island of Lesbos is not in the United States Not sorry..."

"The only 'B' word you should ever call a woman.... Is beautiful. Bitches love being called beautiful."