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Joke of the Day

"The only 'B' word you should ever call a woman.... Is beautiful. Bitches love being called beautiful."

"Idk what was worse, the fact that my girlfriend text me saying ""sorry breaking up with you"" or that a minute later she text me back ""sorry wrong number."""

"I was sitting across the bus today from a very sexy Thai girl...and I kept saying to myself ""Don't get an erection , Don't get an erection""....But she did"

"I had to dump my cross eyed girlfriend I think she was seeing someone else"

"My heart just skipped a beat when I glanced at my wife across the room. Mostly because she was holding my phone."

"Disappointment a woman, after a long search on the internet, found out that ""PHILLIPS 14 INCH"" was actually a T.V"

"[5 mins after seeing our neighbour's new boat] wife: ""everything's a competition to you"" me: [trying to find the moon on eBay] ""no it's not"""

"2-year-old: *points to my belly* Baby! Me: Yep, there's a baby in there! Will you love it? 2: I eat it. Well that escalated quickly."

"Well, when we ordered nachos, you ate all the ones in the middle with the most cheese, but no... I have no idea who set your car on fire."

"Just got back from bowling... But I'll spare you the details."