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Joke of the Day

"I carry an epipen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."

"I won a fight that was five against one in Baltimore today. We totally kicked the shit out of that guy."

"Watched a TV show about Stroke Survivors last night Needless to say it was a bit one sided"

"VICTIM: He had a beard & a scar SKETCH ARTIST: Is this him? VICTIM: That's Bart Simpson SKETCH ARTIST: Yeah I can only draw a couple things"

"What's similar between a black man and a bicycle? They both stop working when the chain comes off."

"A man asks his wife ""Why don't you tell me when you orgasm?"" She said ""I don't like to call you at work""."

"Feelings are like waves, we can't stop them from coming but we can choose which one to surf."

"Q: What do blonds and spaghetti have in common? A: They both wriggle when you eat them."

"A Welshman is talking to his girlfriend... when she asks, ""How many sexual partners did you have before me?"" ""I don't know."" replies the Welshman. ""Everytime I try and count them I fall asleep."""

"My mistress bought me a Neck Clampotron XXX 5 years ago, and I've never looked back since!"