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Joke of the Day

"I was shocked when they said I should spend a month's income on an engagement ring, but dammit girl, you're WORTH 900 favs."

"It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner. ""What are my choices?"" he asked. ""Yes or No"" she replied."

"Sometimes I'm depressed and then a girl stars one of my tweets and it's like YAAAAYYYY NEW GIRLFRIEND!!!!!"

"Finland's borders Are Finland's borders called the finnish lines?"

"how sodomy started........ a good friend & an itchy butthole."

"Another poor soul worked at a company making blankets. He lost his job when the company folded."

"What do bacteria eat for breakfast? prokaryoats"

"What does a ninja use to measure someone's pulse A **stealthoscope**"

"What do you mean will I eat a whole rotisserie chicken? What do I look like, a guy who doesn't eat whole rotisserie chickens?"

"What's big, black and loaded with aids? A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist."