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Joke of the Day

"Remember when social awkwardness was a bad thing and not what drew us together into online communities of self-loathing and horrible puns?"

"I only listen to Australian indie pop music on Sundays.. Because that is the Lorde's day."

"A blonde and a burnette are on opposite sides of a river... The burnette yells to the blonde ""how do I get to the other side?"" The blonde yells back ""you are on the other side!"""

"Remove dead skin by hurling yourself into an active volcano."

"How are tornadoes and marriage alike? They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you lose your house."

"A severed foot... ...is the ultimate stocking stuffer. - Mitch Hedberg"

"What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other needs oinkment"

"Have you ever opened your wallet and wondered if your dollar bills have ever been in a stripper's butt crack?"

"Blonde joke ""Nurse, could you please take Mr. Oliver's pulse?"" ""Why? Doesn't he have one of his own?"""

"Pretty sure my dog would make a shitty astronaut because space is a vacuum and those tend to scare him"