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Joke of the Day

"Blonde joke ""Nurse, could you please take Mr. Oliver's pulse?"" ""Why? Doesn't he have one of his own?"""

"A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar.... A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ""Is this some kind of joke?"""

"You can eat a huge bag of cashews right in front of a cop and he can't do shit about it because cashews aren't illegal."

"The other day I held the door for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester."

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, unless they're small enough to fit a third in there."

"What do you call a scary horse? A night-mare."

"One cool thing about marriage is that when you hate each other, the marriage keeps you together until you like each other again."

"How does a SQL expert get a date? getDate() ^(I really hope this doesn't do well, so cheap, so stupid, just had to write it when I thought of it)"

"What did the fisherman do when he really liked a woman? He invited her over to net fish and krill."

"Just saw a fat woman lick icing off of her sleeve so that is the last time I eat in front of a mirror."